This Is A Story Of A Girl Who Cried A River And Drowned The Whole World!

Sunday, October 13, 2013


I'm back from Budapest!
There's so many things to Thank God for!
- A soul being saved!
- Everything went well as planned, Thank God!
- Long lost letter finally received 
- now just hoping that the Greece & Budapest postcards reach its rightful owners

Though it wasn't that easy to come in back into the UK..
But here I am!

Next: Berlin & York!

Gatto start looking for a flight ticket for Berlin and back to Malaysia..

And, I saw this on one of my friend's post *ponder*
if you're gonna do something, do it for the right reasons.
if you're gonna do it for the right reasons, do it well.
if you're gonna do it well, might as well make it amazing or don't do it at all.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013


It has been ages, since the last time I blog..

What's on my mind now:
- my renewal visa trip to Budapest
- hopefully we're able to return to UK safely
- Convocation
- events and plans this coming week

I'm officially here in the UK for a year..
Couldn't believe that I actually like it here, if it's not for the relationships build here, I would have went home earlier. The fire burning in me, the passion to continuously being equip/learn and grow so much more in Him.

And I'm officially unemployed!
*will be when I graduate*

Tuesday, April 30, 2013


I know I have been slacking for so long..
Wanted to story you all on what happened on my special day..
It will come soon when I have a proper time to sit and write them all out..
In the mean time,
do enjoy this blog and I will come back to you soon!

Have a blessed week ahead!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Never Let You Go

When you're scared and you can't see past a day, remember Who holds tomorrow, and know His love will light your way. Hold on when everything is shaking, stand strong when the ground is falling through, reach out to His hand in the darkness that's holding you. 
-Manafest, Never Let You Go

Thursday, April 11, 2013


Food here food there, everywhere food food..

Fasting food (full fast except water) for a week isn't easy,
especially when you see food on Facebook, Instagram or right in front of you!
All the temptations.. Glad Sunday is coming soon!
But dreading that the time flies too fast..
After Sunday, I'll be fasting lunch..
Wouldn't be that bad..

I can say throughout my fast,
my discipline and obedience have been put to test in many situations,
not forgetting temptations as well when I see food..
But all is well! *smiles*
Thank God for the strength and encouraging brothers and sisters in Christ!

I'm challenging myself to dig deeper in His love, praying for family,
and praying for a clearer purpose and vision from Him in my life.

I'm turning 23 this coming Monday *Gosh*
Older but wiser hopefully *wink*

Friday, April 5, 2013


"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." C.S Lewis

Tuesday, April 2, 2013


 This world is your treadmill, run all over it.

We are running
Chasing after all that You are
We are running
'Cause all that You are
Is all that we want Lord

Friday, March 29, 2013


What do Easter mean to you?
As I took the time to reflect and stumbled upon this video below *points*
the visuals from The Passion of Christ played through my mind.
The pain, the tears, anger (me), fear and I'm sure there is more,
all that Jesus went through to the cross.
What for? Why?

Then I realized and I was reminded,
He chose this way and obeyed God.
For who? For us. You and I.

Without the cross, 
I won't be where I am today

Blessed Good Friday. Blessed Easter!
Off to Shropshire for HOPE Fest!  

Monday, March 25, 2013


Things you do when you're stressed or sad:
- long hot showers
it is like rain falling on you *except it's warm*
- scream into the pillows
- long walks
- exercise
- listen to songs
- be alone
- alternative, just submit unto Daddy God *smiles*

Well, that's for me of course *smiles*
I can't wait to finish this last essay before HOPE FEST!!
Brain not working, help me LORD!!

Click here to see the website *grins*
Criticisms appreciated..

Friday, March 22, 2013


It is right to be this way?
Somehow things just happen when you least expected it to,
I'm speechless,
wish it wouldn't been this way and hadn't happen at all..

Too early to say I would think,
we shall see when the time comes..
But I really hope it wouldn't be this way at all..

Too heart aching..
Should have stayed and close myself away from you..

Thinking too much..
I'm better off alone anyway.. 
Just thoughts, don't worry..

Monday, March 18, 2013

By Example

The best way to teach obedience is by example - opening our lives to others - enable them to observe what God is doing in our lives, and to see how we are responding to His workings. This means becoming vulnerable and honest about the true issues of our lives. 

Usually, opening our lives entails sharing historical sketches and past convictions of the Holy Spirit, as well as the current events and present dealings of the Lord with us.

Sunday, March 17, 2013



Being mentally and physically drained
until the extend that you can longer move forward,
what will you do?

This was literally me crawling and reaching out to His hand,
it is near but it seems so far away,
I can't do it on my own anymore,
I need You,
the strength, hope and deliverer,
only You can bring me through this,
I trust in You and nothing is impossible with You,
because all things are possible with You.

Only through this,
only then I'm chiseled,
because I am Your child, the Potter's child.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Flesh out

Fasting lunch and dinner for the very first time yesterday was a whole new experience for me. It was so challenging because many temptations will come your way to fulfill the desires of your flesh, like what they say: the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Throughout the week fasting lunch until yesterday with dinner,
I begin to see things that I once was blinded,
all those minute little things in life that I myself sometimes have overlooked and took for granted. So much so that I soon realize and learn to appreciate more of my surroundings and people around me.

Other than that,
Dying to the flesh and not letting temptation in even though I was hungry and tired physically and mentally, those times is where I needed God most, His strength had taught me perseverance to move on. The best part of all these: is to be in tune with God once again.

He's there cheering me on all the way. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013


It's okay to cry,just let it out,He sees and understand even before words are spoken, no point hiding it,just let it go,surrender,submit unto Him.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

In Your Presence

Updates on fasting:
- Fasting Facebook and Twitter changed and helped me see how much more time I could spend with those precious time wasted (I do still check once a week, or more if I need to check on my family updates, important news and friends)
- Fasting lunch for the past few days (started on Monday) is not easy especially when sports is involved (so tiring!)
- but it has disciplined me to eat proper meal so far during dinner and breakfast
- drawing closer and closer into Him
Even though it wasn't easy because trials and challenges will come with it, but without them we can't depend and draw ourselves nearer to Him.

Things to Thank God for today!
- Caryn finally received her package!
- Snow!!
It wasn't supposed to but with the unpredictable weather taadaaa~!
- the SUN!! *it's a beautiful day*
- Presentation went well!!
THANK YOU LORD!! I was so nervous with my group mates but everything went smoothly!! ALL PRAISES AND GLORY TO YOU ALONE LORD!!!

Things to add, I really really Thank God for allowing me to feel and rest in His presence once again, I'm beginning and relearning to submit and to fully surrender unto Him all my problems because He is in control. It's time to move on in every situation.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Mission in Disguise

I'm back from my very first mission trip in my life!
Even tough it was just two days one night trip,
God have revealed so much to me even at the beginning of the journey to Birmingham.

So we traveled to Birmingham, Don caster(for the night), Newcastle/Sunderland and Leeds. I don't know why ever since I came back from my Taiwan trip, I picked up motion sickness and since then I had to suffer every long journey on the roads and sometimes in a shaky flight.

But I really Thank God on how He revealed so much that I myself didn't realize that I have been blinded and I'm beginning to see my full purpose of being here. Everything starts to click and I am beginning to see the connection and the vision that I have once questioned.

After being so encouraged, refilled, rejuvenated and re-connected back to God,
I decided to challenge myself even more by fasting lunch starting tomorrow and full fast on every Fridays and Saturdays. I know it is not going to be easy but with God and His sufficient grace, mercy and never ending strength, I should suffice until the end of March.

Thank You once again for the full 'rest' that You have given me.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013


Loving the sunny days..
Except today was a lil bit dark without the sun,
but I had fun playing netball outdoor today! 
Sprained me right finger after for so long!*swelling*
But it is worth it! I get to try so many different positions and realize that I'm actually okay with attacking as well, not only defending *smiles*

I finally cooked after for so long!
Just simple noodles with an egg, mushrooms and bacon,
surprisingly it wasn't bad *pats on own shoulder*
So I decided to eat healthy and cook more often and not replace snacks as my main meals starting today! Shall not store up chocolates and biscuits anymore but real food..

Something interesting that I found out today:
- cucumbers have negative calories!
Meaning it has got no calories but burn more calories! *light bulb*

Okay okay,
Sorry for not updating for so long,
I have fun in bible study today, though today was more on the catching up and fellowship-ing side, not forgetting feasting as well! Thank You Lord!

Friday, February 22, 2013


the are never satisfied or content with what they have,
and always wanting more than what they could have..
Greedy I would say, or pride? Ego? Show off?

But somehow it is good to see how God use us in this kind of situation to remind us once again of our very own attitudes. It is never easy consoling somebody when you yourself are facing the very same situation. Oh well, but I'm glad that it work.

Updates on fasting.
- after checking Facebook and Twitter just now,
I realized that there is nothing much but to read up on my family's group wall to catch up on things. But at the same time I somehow felt left out *not regretting*
- still struggle sometimes and tempted to press the FB button
- more time to think and reflect

On a side note
- it was snowing today! *excited*
but I don't think it will stay..
- double chin ah!!!

Happy Thinking's Day!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

In the Mind

Yesterday was a good day!
We celebrated Bridget's Birthday with a Bang! *she's surprised!*

On the other side,
I was really relief that I did all my research and readings on Monday. Really Thank God! At the same time, I think it wasn't enough even though I understood most of the things said today. Buck up Jane!

I really don't like the fact that I keep arguing and reasoning myself *most of the time* especially when I'm stressed, occupied or down. I think it all started with one issue or a problem that leads to another, which gets bigger and bigger. Though I don't think it's much of an issue, the topic is just brought up just for the fact that I wasn't really satisfied with it.

That is when the dominance side of me fights against the steadiness in me.
I get so dominant that I want this this this and that, but the steadiness side of me will console myself that it is okay and I shouldn't be and feel that way. Talking of self empathy. So I'll just assume most of this are just words without thoughts. Just so you know that I do think a lot and struggle myself going against myself.

On the bright side!
I finally experienced the thick fog on Monday morning around 3:43am when I was on my way home from the LRC. It was so thick that I thought I was blind. You really can't see the things ahead of you. Quite interesting I must say!

Monday, February 18, 2013


It's a Sunny Day!
Monday used to be the usual sweat day for me, but not today. I finally repaid my sleep debts! *I think* but menstrual pain isn't helping much.

Well! But I Thank God for a well rested day!
So I spent the rest of my day in LRC *library* reading articles and researching *good place to go if you can't concentrate in your room* and noise from your flatmates.

One to be remembered:
An act of servant hood touched my heart today when I was hungry in LRC.
I was hoping that she wouldn't come because it'll be troublesome and tiring but at the same time I was hoping to see her *self-fish* but really, I wasn't expecting her to come but there she is with dinner in her hands *stunts* Thank You Lord for blessing me with such a wonderful sister in Christ! *feels Loved*

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35

Sunday, February 17, 2013

5 Months!

The day is extending! *Grins*
Previously the sun goes down before 4pm, now its around 5-ish..

- If you've not known now, I have decided to fast Facebook and Twitter until the 25th of March for HOPE FEST and my dog.
- So do send me an email or whatsapp if you have anything to update me *smiles*
- In case of emergency, PLEASE CALL ME! 07746150969
- I think by fasting both the social media gave me much more time for myself and people, which is good, but hopefully I don't misuse the time with something not useful like YouTube.
- It snowed last week! Guess it will be the last one?
- I'm over pressuring myself for this semester I think, sometimes I don't even know what to do
- I've grown fatter? I've got myself a double chin! *screams*
- I am still stuck in thinking of a topic/title for my online journalism blog *Help!*
- Don't know what advertisement to make as well!
- No idea of making a web site for my University's Mass Communication page!
- I love this Family of God! Thank God for them!
- Gave chocolates during LOVE Day!
I received one on that day itself from my course mate, quite unexpected actually.
- My neighbor brought his girlfriend here and you know what will happen next
- hmm, phlegmatic and choleric?

We recorded a Birthday video for Bridget today! Enjoy!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Just Like That

While smiling on the outside, inside I was screaming and inflicting myself with negativity. 

31st January
There goes January *how time flies*

Semester A result came out yesterday,
and I was reminded of Philippians 4:13 today (1st February).
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Life isn't always a smooth sailing journey,
if the water is always calm, how are you to grow, learn and improve yourself?
In fact, you'll be so stagnant that complacency has taken over.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"
 James 1:2-4


3rd February
Today! There are so much things to Thank God for!
- God displaying love from others
these love messengers of God are really doing their job well!
*love is in the air*
- People blessing others without expecting in return
- God's endless surprise!
- Love chain spreading rapidly
- Free lunch! *from an unknown angel*
I think I know who you are *grins*
- There are a lot more than this!
All those little things in life that makes you happy are blessings in disguise..

Being Transparent
Okay, coming back to the point above.
I didn't do well for my semester A,
I was very disappointed and down because I've never expected myself to do so badly.

Until to the point of thinking that I have made the wrong decision to come over for my final year. You may think it wasn't that bad. I failed a subject. That was bad enough for me. In fact, that was my favorite subject of all modules.

But not to worry,
I am back on my feet after much consoling and encouragement from my fellow sisters in Christ! I will have to redo the assignment *seeing lecturer on Tuesday* hopefully he remembers..

After spending some quiet time alone with God,
I accept my failures and had learn to embrace it. Even knowing that you'll be a graduate of a first class degree holder in Malaysia means nothing to me now. Sometimes in life, we tend to see so much on the surface with all the struggles and challenges, but what we often neglect and not realize is the journey that we had come so far, and all the experiences that we've gained and learned that made us who we are today. 

Side tracked
On the 2nd February we had prayer meeting after jamming session.
Our Pastor dared us to do something great for God.
I went home and think and dared myself these:
1. To achieve good grades this semester for You Lord &
2. To grow so much more into You Lord

When I was about to dare myself, I was scared and reluctant because I know that it wouldn't be easy. But I dare take the challenge to glorify Your name Lord! Help me Lord. May I not neglect You for studies. 


What would you do if you were in this situation?

Thank You Lord for the food that You've blessed me today!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


How do we “remain in” Jesus?
How will you strive to live a more fruitful life in Him this week?

God expects good fruit from us.
What are we producing?

Monday, January 28, 2013


Well, I didn't get to go Watford today..

But I did enjoy my day!
From Zumba - Badminton - Netball!
Though it was a strong windy rainy day,
it didn't stopped us from meeting up in Burger king for dinner *smiles*

I'm glad that I'm able to touch people in certain ways *Praise God*

Oh, you must be wondering what does this had got to do with the title above.
Today when I was playing badminton,
another pants of mine tore *not forgetting the jeans the other day*
It's either I'm too rough, grown fat, or the pants wore off/got thinner..
You know how old cloth can be so fragile right?
Guess it's time to get new pair of jeans/pants.

Well, like what they say,
if the old don't go, the new won't come?

- I needs to gets meself a guitar pick.
- Notebook! 

Sunday, January 27, 2013


Remember I mentioned that I will be playing the guitar today?
Well, I had fun serving God, and I Thank God for the opportunity..

Funny part was when a brother passed me tissues,
and I thought it was for my sweaty palms and fingers,
so I wiped them *it was during announcement time after Praise*
Later, he went off and came back with a plaster *I was confused*
he then stick it to my right middle finger *it was bleeding*
I was so shocked and realized that the guitar has blood stains as well..
My skin tored off when I was strumming.. How?
I used my finger to support the pick because it was getting very slippery,
but I didn't realize that the string have cut my skin *it was numbed*

Oh well,
It was an experience *smiles*
Would like to Thank God for the encouragement from my brothers and sisters once again.

Off to Watford tomorrow!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Sum up 1

I've got double chin! *fat dy*

Oh well, coming back to the topic!
- I foresee storm ahead (lead me and guide me Lord)
- Classes are interesting but hectic (lots of brain juice consumed)
- Played the guitar for CF on Friday! (kan cheongness)
- Helped out in freshers fair
I can still remember the very first day I stepped into UH and who I met during freshers fair (Time flies)
- Played Counter Strike in LRC! After for so longgggg (I had funs!)
- Enjoyed me time today! (cleaned and vacuumed me room)
Good to have Kathryn in today, we ran through the songs together..
- Because I'll be playing the guitar for the first time for service tomorrow (in HOPE, UK)
Never played and serve for months already! Okay, the last one would be in church camp.. Oh God, I surrender all to You as I serve You tomorrow..

Things to Thank God for:
- Loving and caring brothers and sisters in Christ
- Especially the encouraging ones *Thank You! It really means a lot*
- Friends who cared back in Malaysia
- Caring parents *loving the updates from our FB group*
- Helpful lecturers
- A shelter to keep myself warm
- Able to study in UK *experiencing snow and different cultures*
- Teaching me and guiding me for the months away from home

I'm sure there are a lot more than this,
so I'm giving You my heart and that is within,
I surrender all to You, 
including all the plans that I have,
may it glorify Your name.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Week 1

I finally get to sweat this week!
- had a really bad fall during netball *knee hurts so badly*
but no worries, I'm okay, still capable of walking..

I am and still loving the snow!
- Yes! I did snow angel and snow man
- Played and enjoyed the walks
- Walking alone while it is snowing amazes me all the time
but with a good company makes it even more meaningful and interesting
*sabo-ing your friends while walking is fun!*

Random thoughts
- Interesting classes with good looking lecturers
- How fast we all aged sometimes
- I miss my family and pets
- I love this family of God

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Ephesians 4:16

The global body of Christ needs even more ministry variety and “body” parts than a local church does. All are neither eyes nor ears. The biblical secret for a healthy and growing church (whether it is local, national or global) is found in Ephesians:

“…the whole body, being fitted and held together by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.”  Ephesians 4:16

Daniel A. Brown

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Snow Wrestle!

Watched WWE Smack down before?
Imagine it in a snowy context *imagines*

Boy I tell you,
this was one of the days that will last in my memory forever.
I never had so much fun in the snow before.
We started off by throwing snow balls at one other after bible study.
And I myself wasn't sure how it turned into a snow wrestle!

This would be one of the things you should try at least once!
But do expect bruises all over your legs especially your knees!
No Jeans! *tored mine*

Also! I finally got to watch Les Misérables!
The attached is a link to a website *it is a good read*
Salvation is a gift, a gift of free mercy.

Should try singing instead of speaking next time.
*Sings* I dreamed a dream in time gone by~

the last term of my final year has finally begun!
I really don't know what to expect after this,
talking about fear of the uncertainty.

To love another person is to see the face of God.

Friday, January 18, 2013


Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! 

One of the things that you need to experience for yourself is the snow!

No matter how you hard you try to capture it with your camera,
you can't really convey it out to your viewers.

So what I am trying to say is:
You must experience the snow for yourself!! *snowing process*
It is very magical! So pure and white! So Beautiful!!

- worst headache ever! *this morning*
- taking pictures in the early morning *memorable*
- butt numbs
- throwing snow balls at windows! 
- went to St Albans on Wednesday *bought lots of bananas with a really good price*
- coffee at night is a no no for me *too hyper*
- I'm definitely going to miss all my brothers and sisters here

Thursday, January 17, 2013


I am officially here in UK for 4 months! 

My resolution for this year is!
- more of Him, less of me
- discover His purpose in my life
- learn to accept (receive) help and ask for help (pride)
- stop procrastination
- learning to trust once again (friendship)

Things to remember:
- A day that will never be the same again
- Sleepover at Hilary's was good
- We made a stop motion video for Doreen's farewell video

Till then! Will post up a summary soon!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


I am finally back!

Sorry for the MIA's..
I have been so caught up with assignment dues and this is the only week where I get to rest *hopefully* because the next term is starting next week! How time flies..

Will update you all soon!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! *smiles*